Interrupting This Bloggram: IN Lieu of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I'm posting this:

Found this on my other facebook page, dated from 2011 (when I made a NOTE of it). ...the following are some random excerpts taken from a journal I have:

"The following are journal entries from 2003....written only months before i would visit for the first time, a place that would ultimately save and change my life.....an open mic by the name of The Cozy.  Nothing about these entries has been altered or rewritten...they are copied just as i wrote them. 

Valentines Day 2003

This has officially been the worst day, much less valentine’s day, of my life….me and "MR." have officially broke up.  He told me to suck a dick today …he hasn’t been home and isn’t coming and really, I don’t want to ever see him again….i am beyond being hurt, but I’ll make it…I have to…im at work…and no one is here except Leroy and a fat man…it is so boring in here…”Deeluscious” is sleep with a blanket, “Paradise” is leaving and I’m bored to tears….i’m so thirsty ….all I have is a dollar I found somewhere and I owe Miss Joyce damn near $20.

3/10/03

Its been so long since I wrote in here…but my life has continued to be filled with sad, depressing days….they’ve been so pathetic that I’ve not been in the mood to write….but there have been days that stood out more than others that I need to write about…about two or three weeks ago on Valentine’s Day Wknd, I had another one of those “worst days of my life”…the whole damn weekend was really fucked up…I didn’t even get a happy valentine’s day…."MR" was drunk and high all weekend and didn’t come home until Saturday morning only to be high and drunker than I’ve ever seen and started fighting with me and then, pulled his gun, coked it back and pointed it at me and I honestly thought he was going to kill me….i was in the bathtub crying scared as hell…that was one of the moments where you feel like you’re in a life or death situation….he kept calling me bitches and pointing his gun at me….all he had to do was pull the trigger….he was aiming right at my face and head…I ended up running out of the house in the snow until I knew he was gone….but he can’t understand why I was scared…he told me if it wasn’t for his daughter, he would kill me….i damn near don’t even want to remember that night….

March 20, 2003

Today was another pathetic day in my life…I found myself asking for permission to go out of town from someone who’ll call me from the road and say “I’ll be back” ….only for him to break up with me, make me cry and make me say I’m not going ….he clearly had that planned…its so embarrassing to have given up control of my life…I’;m so sad and depressed…its like he just wants me to be this way….he doesn’t wants me to have friends or go no where or nothing…he keeps hanging up on me…im thinking about not working and going to a poetry reading somewhere….by myself….but I don’t know….i’m just so depressed right now…I can’t stop crying….

3/31/03

Today is the worst bout with depression I’ve ever had….when I woke up, I knew it would be this way…in the last 48 hours, I’ve managed to lose $70, my only ID and my only charger for my phone, which is completely dead…I have cried so much about nothing today…I cried because I couldn’t get the glue out of my head…my apartment is so nasty , I am embarrassed for my shadow to see it…but my depression at this point is so severe, I had to make myself wake up….the only peace I get is sleep….my lip is still very swollen from fighting with "MR" but I am going to work anyway…I cannot sit in this house …after driving for a week, I am once again depressed about being stranded in here…no phone, no car, feeling very ugly…I am so severely close to suicide…but being my moms only child is holding me back…among a few other things……………………………………………………….."

-one woman is beaten by her husband, boyfriend or male lover, every 15 seconds in the US. 

-One in four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.

- PLEASE DON'T BE A JUDGMENTAL FRIEND.  JUST BE A FRIEND.  LEND YOUR EAR, SHOULDER AND WHATEVER ELSE YOU CAN OFFER.  MAKE THE OFFER.  IT COUNTS.  SHE WON'T FORGET, EVEN IF YOU THINK SHE'S NOT LISTENING.  SHE'S NOT STUPID, SHE'S BROKEN; HER SPIRIT AND MENTALITY ARE BOTH BROKEN.

*****Starting on October 15, 2014, I will begin (and hopefully keep up with) #16Candles. A daily tribute meant to bring awareness to domestic violence in the most REAL of ways. I won't say how or when....just if you see the link, click it, read it, indulge in it.....and take away something from it forever. Or at least that's my hope. <3