He Licked My -

So maybe that's one of the reasons I thought we were pretty exclusive to one another.



NAHPE.


I was wronged.

He licked my ass on purpose.

I ACCIDENTALLY ate her pussy off his dick.




SOmetimes,

this shit STILL burns me up. Mental STD's. There is no cure but time.


Lots
and lots
and lots and lots and lots

of time.


I'm really not sure why he has been on my mind this last week or two. Its not that he's been on my mind actually, its moreso, the things that remind me of him have not been avoidable for some reason and as much as I control my thoughts, heck, i'm still human and that shit hurt me, my ego, my poems... all of me.


Yesterday, i asked myself out loud, WHAT THE FUCK!!!!?????
If he knew he so much as tiptoed past my thoughts, not only would his ego blow up some more, but he would also say something like 'why the hell is she even still thinking of me" ???


Here's what tho

All my life, all my relationships, I've covered up loss. I have either stayed in the relationship until I was numb to feelings or I replaced them with someone else, that newer, exciting and more cooler anyway....i've always been able to defer my 'hurt' and ultimately cover it up. This is the first time, in a long time if not in my entire life, that I have had to deal in the loss of someone i loved and wanted, with NO COVER UP!!!! NO BAND AIDS......no nothing.

No new guy
no new friend
no staying with a person until i feel nothingness.....

just some straight up riding it out healing, one day at a fucking time.

I've had a lot of good and  great days over the last 3 months......this has just been an interesting 2 weeks lately. I believe its because of timehop and what I was doing/where my head was at this time last year......his birthday is in a couple of days.....

And I can feel the sting of him openly dismissing spending time with me, like I asked 2 weeks prior, and instead hanging out with 'his boys' as he put it, but in reality.....we know what it was.

I'm healing.
i'm better
i'm greater

i have just had some moments here lately...nothing i couldn't control, but moments nonetheless......i guess this is what it sounds like

when doves cry.