O.o o.O

Yesterday, I ALMOST cried….

Not over or about someone,

But just pure frustration….

Sometimes, it gets to me.

Most times, I’m able to skate through it and live fully.

Yesterday, in the midst of a bad day, I allowed myself to start thinking and feeling that I’m not good enough for a relationship and that’s why they all left me and got married and started families while I’m still posing for the camera and hoping someone sees something in me pretty enough to start a conversation with me…..i got frustrated because I have no one to talk to ….i don’t talk on the phone or text anyone…same shit as I have mentioned before in this blog and NOTHING has changed….

The white guy wasn’t interested and I’m in no way forcing myself on anyone anymore, ESPECIALLY not a white guy. * shrug *

And I’m back to nothingness. Depending on my best friends to help me when a situation has arrived (like getting a jump yesterday before my court date )….i don’t understand what it is about me that won’t allow ANYONE to find interest in me. No one wants to so much as dance with me on the dancefloor. I went to Old Soul and remembered why I don’t do those functions alone….because it’s a room of couples and people who are flirting and dancing together, while I stand and hope no one sees how awkward im trying to pretend I’m NOT o.O

Yesterday wasn’t a back peddle.…..i just got a lottabit frustrated that it seems like I’m nothing that anyone finds any interest in and I can’t make that make sense to me considering who I am….

Meaning,  on paper, I would like to think that I’m a catch. Off paper, I don’t think I’m  THAT fucked up…..how could there not be ONE single person in Indy that looks at me somewhere and says “hmmm, I would love to get to know her”….

Not one.

* shrug *

Today, I just don’t give a fuck. * more shrugs *

It takes so much work not to let this type of shit work you into thinking less of yourself. Today, I’m working. Yesterday, I was less than savvy. Tomorrow, I will be better and greater.

If no one wants it,

No one gets it.

And that’s fine. There is a country somewhere that is waiting on my arrival as a visitor on the journey of life. If I can just get to it……………..