There are many.
I found myself at the gorgeous crime scene of the beautiful adonis that landed in my world not too long ago. I looked at the pictures he sent me. I clicked the upper left corner and stared off into a different direction as I hit the final delete.
There is no sense of leaving you in my phone when you're not in my life. * shrug *
I removed every ounce of proof that someone made me smile just last week. It's unbelievable how fast time moves in my love life. It's like every day is a 100 years. The shit is exhausting. Angering sometimes. Maddening. Fuh derp a derp.
Oh those butterflies. They gone now. They've been replaced by numbness. I'm numb to most things I think. THank God my feelings were NOT involved in this shit. I just liked him. He gave me butterflies, hell, what is it not to like about that? Oh how I've missed that feeling soooo much.
That rush.
Excitement.
I think I blogged about it when I initially brought him into the world of AMuseD. That was probably the day I sent us into underdrive. Smh. If he was meant for my life tho, he'd still be there. So it's nothing to mourn or feel heavy over. I'm mostly disappointed that the fun times ended so quickly. That feeling of someone else recognizing the beauty I have internally and out. I yi yi.....one day i will blog about how I set a ring of fire around the getting to know you process and drove us into a dead end street w/a brick wall at the end.
Smh.
Oh Kennie j. :/
I want to abandon the need or the desire for these niggas. It makes no sense why I give them a chance or why I try.....even though I think I set the match around us, I still think he was a little less truthful than I had given him credit for....
...but that could just be me playing with the Blame Game fires.
Anyway...
I deleted our text thread. Deleted his contact. And today, I deleted our shared pictures. Damn.He.Was.So.Fucking.FINE.
Ugh. Fuck everything a lil bit.
As I continued to scroll through my phone, this lil young one (someone separate who I've loosely blogged about months back) popped up. Well, his big dick popped up. I have completely and totally abandoned any and all ideas about that big dick.. I don't want it. Damn, I don't want ANY dick. I won't lie and say I haven't broken my celibacy spell because I have. I most certainly have. And that's why I can say for certainty that I don't want this young niggas big dick. I gave away the only spare token for 'in case of emergency horniness, break and use".....
So there that is.
I clicked on the upper left corner of youngnigga's dick picture.....
but i didn't delete it.
I figured,
I'd let it sit in my phone, with the other dick pics. Niggas send dick pics a lot. I bet a lot of women have the same dick pics and think thisMF took it especially for them. Nah sis. It's probably just like the Good Morning text. It's a mass attention incarceration. Lol.
I kept it in my phone.
I kept the dick pics from Gorgeous Adonis too.
Fuck it.
I won't do anything with them....not even masturbate.
I'll just keep them here....i have quite a few. Niggas love sending me their dick. They love giving it to me even more. .....the irony is that it's the one thing I'd wait a lifetime for. I want a heart that wants to run away with me but whatever....i'll just hold these dick pics....
'in case of emergency'
I mean,
they are dick pics
At the very least, they can remind me how niggas think.
Blogtrack:
"Taxi driver
I swear i've got three lives
balanced on my head like steak knives
i can't tell you the truth about my disguise
i can't trust no one ................................
...........if it brings me to my knees
it's a bad religion."
~Frank Ocean
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