Make It To Me

I know you're out there..........................................................

O.o o.O

Yesterday, I ALMOST cried….

Not over or about someone,

But just pure frustration….

Sometimes, it gets to me.

Most times, I’m able to skate through it and live fully.

Yesterday, in the midst of a bad day, I allowed myself to start thinking and feeling that I’m not good enough for a relationship and that’s why they all left me and got married and started families while I’m still posing for the camera and hoping someone sees something in me pretty enough to start a conversation with me…..i got frustrated because I have no one to talk to ….i don’t talk on the phone or text anyone…same shit as I have mentioned before in this blog and NOTHING has changed….

The white guy wasn’t interested and I’m in no way forcing myself on anyone anymore, ESPECIALLY not a white guy. * shrug *

And I’m back to nothingness. Depending on my best friends to help me when a situation has arrived (like getting a jump yesterday before my court date )….i don’t understand what it is about me that won’t allow ANYONE to find interest in me. No one wants to so much as dance with me on the dancefloor. I went to Old Soul and remembered why I don’t do those functions alone….because it’s a room of couples and people who are flirting and dancing together, while I stand and hope no one sees how awkward im trying to pretend I’m NOT o.O

Yesterday wasn’t a back peddle.…..i just got a lottabit frustrated that it seems like I’m nothing that anyone finds any interest in and I can’t make that make sense to me considering who I am….

Meaning,  on paper, I would like to think that I’m a catch. Off paper, I don’t think I’m  THAT fucked up…..how could there not be ONE single person in Indy that looks at me somewhere and says “hmmm, I would love to get to know her”….

Not one.

* shrug *

Today, I just don’t give a fuck. * more shrugs *

It takes so much work not to let this type of shit work you into thinking less of yourself. Today, I’m working. Yesterday, I was less than savvy. Tomorrow, I will be better and greater.

If no one wants it,

No one gets it.

And that’s fine. There is a country somewhere that is waiting on my arrival as a visitor on the journey of life. If I can just get to it……………..

Differentiating 14s from 15s.

Today is 1/21/15

I was trolling my Timehop like I have done almost daily since I installed the app and before I blog, I would like to share these timehops.

10:52 AM – There is so much in my head about my birthday and all the SHIT that has been associated with it. I honestly just want to blow some money, book a flight and leave.

4:04PM – Now that I whored out my other inbox to my emotional lopsidedness and burning desire to say more, I return here covered in ashes.  #LetItBurnKen oO

12:30 AM – Please let me do better tomorrow. Its my last day as 34.  What a hell of a way to ring it in. Someone has come along and sat me all the way down. I know for a fact I will never love the same again. Finally. Do better Ken. And to all, a good flight.

 12:35 AM – Wide awake, looking at the color of the ceiling in the dark….realizing I am signed in as jy. * side eye ensues*  Listenign to the beat of the broken and trying to underthink myself to sleep. ….if I can just make it to Only the Brave.

1:04 AM – Jay z song cry.

1:08AM – Mourn forever. Shit I gotta live with the fact I did you wrong forever.

The reason I decided to post a blog today is as I was scrolling and reading these Timehops and knowing that it would have a fuzzy look to it if I shared them, I couldn’t help but notice (Carrie B. ;)  the difference a year makes.  The great thing about TH is that it is the exact date of one year ago. There is no confusion or counting or wondering how close or far off from a ‘year ago’ it is.  ONE YEAR.

In one year, so much has continued to evolve and in some cases devolve .  We are in the midst of Mercury Retrograde as of today. Yesterday, was the official start date of the Aquarius/Aquarius moon- which moved into the constellation of the Aquarius. I would love to look up in the sky and SEE the water bearer and see what that look like. I don’t think I know anyone with a telescope or affinity to look at the stars closer. … eh.

Anyway, yesterday baptized me in a bad mood for the most of the day and I blame the running jump start of Retrograde.  The irony of how I was feeling yesterday is that I got all dolled up, as I have every day for past few days….i want to ring in my birthday feeling flawless (of course with some flaws in tow). Yesterday, I wore a pencil skirt I bought from the Goodwill that was still brand new (the best), with a simple black top and some black thigh boots. I felt really pretty and kinda sexy if I can say that. But my mood was the opposite. Today, I opted for a vintage version of myself. I still have to take a picture.  My mom gave me a dress with some huge buttons that came from my stepfather’s aunt. I was surprised to be able to fit it AND that it looked cute. So I took it with me and wore it today. It’s teal in color and I accented it in Red. Yesterday I had on purple lipstick. Today, I am wearing red. My fingernails are purple and red.  These have been my moods. A cross between I love you and steamy hot or hot with emotional content. Not really angry, just tired of being stressed out by the things of life. ….but it’s all to the beat because I still feel good. I still feel ready, for change and embracing new information about the Aquarius Moon, Mercury Retrograde and quite a few other things surrounding my birthday this year. This year, I am in a MUCH better space, even as I approach the One Year mark since my sisterfriend left us for eternity.

But, as one can tell, this time last year, which on one hand seems like it just happened and on another hand, almost seems like it NEVER happened and only existed in some twisted bloody mary fantasy.  Looking at those timehops show me hurting. And even though I have blocked those memories from stirring any raw emotions within me, I still remember how sad and depressed I was…….i still remember feeling Not Good Enough for a NIGGA of all things. I still remember feeling overly loyal to someone who would have only passed me a cup of water after he drank it all.

I didn’t really come to talk about him.

I did come to share those timehops. Because they show what it’s like to hurt.

But more than that, I came to say this, to anyone reading: There is no end-time to being hurt. I believe the more we get hurt and the more we let people in our lives who ultimately go on to hurt us, the harder it is to get beyond the next slice of hurtMe-Pie.  I claimed companionship this year. I spoke it into existence and put it on my vision board.  I even talked briefly to a white guy (I mean its not like any black males have ever been loyal to me…and that’s my word).  I liked the white guy but kept forgetting that I was even communicating with him and the fact that he didn’t really reach out to me let me know all I needed to know to protect myself. No hard feelings. I was surprised I got as far as I did.

It makes me smile.
It makes me smile to see myself be WILLING to try something again but also being COGNIZANT of reality. If this was last year, I would keep texting him first. I would try to convince him without saying that I was trying to convince him, that I was worth looking into…that I am a book worth reading.

No more.

#MuseWeasel taught me all about not throwing myself in the lap of ANY male, regardless of color, from now on. Who he WANTED, he went out and got. And they still together as far as I know.  Who he did NOT have any interest in, he just played the role of a coward, all while doing nothing…which was his effort to let me know he wasn’t interested in me (coward shit) …..instead of me accepting that (even though I SAW it for what it was), I kept tossing my rings in the fire and wondering why my heart was burning…..
Not today,
I am not a complete success story. I will admit there are times I still have a moment here and there and think of him or remember him or see something or smell something that reminds me of him.  But its nothing that lasts and its nothing that I don’t quickly react to and control. It’s just what it is.

The lesson in it all,
You can live again.

You can breathe again and not feel ‘less than’ or not good enough. You can put yourself back out there to meet someone to have fun with and it not be about sex. You can have good conversations and the best part is you learn how to apply the spirit of discernment to not just companionship relationships, but to everything in your life. You learn how important that is to do. How it’s ok to not be in love. It’s ok to not have someone.   Yes, I am STILL bored with not having anyone to hang out with except female friends…but i'm out here living nonetheless....i am in a fashion show, speaking to Simon employees, getting my hair colored, dressing well, having a birthday and i get to go home to a house with no children...nothing but silence and dogs barking, who never fail to show me that they love me!!!! It's beautiful when I really sit and think about it....

 I cut all contact with the young lil tender I was conversing with because #MFFW.  He young, full of cum and I might have got me some but the fact that he also is not interested stopped that. So I removed him from seeing what I talk about and put him somewhere far away where he doesn't exist and if he chooses to call me, I will just ignore the call like I did a week ago.  I don’t care  for games at 36. #TwoDays.
I want to ski.

And see the world.

And parasail. And fly and float on cruises. I want to eat at Fogo De Chao…..i want to look out into the audience and see Him sitting there in awe of his woman. I want to be loved in all of love’s splendor. And until my energy collides with like energies, I won’t be entertaining the foolish. Its pointless.

A young dude at the jobMistress o.O tried to holla at me. * LMAO *  How  did I know he was a no-go besides his age, job and bottom row of gold teeth??? Because I mentioned I had rehearsal and he asked me for what….i told him I was in a play that was about to come out and he asked the name….after I mentioned For Colored Girls and tried to HELP him understand what it was, he recalled having seen it as the  Tyler Perry film and said “it was weird”.

O.O  ****Stamps this nigga VOID ****
Yeah I’m good on dumb shit.
Dumb niggas.
Fools Gold.

Alluhdat. I am a beautiful woman, no kids, paying all my own fucking bills, working two jobs and living a weird combination of an Writer/artist/model life.  If you don’t want in on it, fuck you. Idgaf.

But if you do,
And you even smell a hint of like you might make my timehops be un-postable, you will be deleted before you were added into the system.

What  a difference a year makes.  <3.

That Day it spilled and wouldn't stop..............#myLoveIsReckless

..... My love is an adult with a rebel like mission

A bull with a charge towards the color red and blue

 my love is dangerous
it is a car crash,
a collision

it is a war path
a bomb busted open by foot stomping, gyrating muscles going in ten different directions
my love is immeasurable
it lacks humanity
my love is a Christian baptism in hells fire
i will love you until we both burned
my love is damaging 
to the psyche 
my own that is.....
Dangerously loving in a car turning down a street called Retire..........

My love is not in need of a sire but it does not allow squatters to linger

My love is like broken baby fingers

Like unsweetened Lady fingers

Empty ring fingers on broken dreamers who cruise nightmares just for giggles,

I am the wiggle,

The wobble

The electric slide into a tumble or a fall

Or a climb or a step off a tall ledge,

My love is a cliff with rushes of Mt St Water hitting the molding of rocks below

so full of current that it turneth all near it white

My love is a thief in the night

A Jesus cloth with the right amount of pray across it,

I am the crossing of burning crosses in front lawns, my love is a pawn on a checkers board

It doesn’t belong there

My love is  beautiful

Bountiful and everywhere,

It is a death defying, yelling, kicking, screaming crying out loud,

Shot blast from a screwdriver

Pummeling nails into the wall,

My love uses the wrong tools,

But my love will make it work

My love falls for fools and then gets mad when I see they wear skirts

Check out my miner’s hat,

I traded it in for my crown,

Perhaps I should visit the pawn shop and lay my burdens down near the cash register alter

Retwist my hair and bring myself all the way –

….-back to the birth of my kinky coils

Stop unwrapping this aluminum foil tin pan of barely enough

Its high time I learn what this love stuff is made of

My love is dangerous, like a kiss from a dogs lick

I hear that some nasty sh*t, but isn’t it so pure,

Enlightening to the touch, my love loves loving those who need it,

 I throw it at your mouth and kiss you on the eyes so you can see it

Don’t be blind with it

My love has flying lessons with it,

It needs its care to be tender and its Roni to be so right

Like Bobby Brown taught me it should be,

My love IS a new edition of an old ancient scroll

My love is always late and always on time, always together (and on the go)

always within a rhyme that lifts from a page like candy

co-writing is not necessary

my love tells a story that is worth the listen

My love is an adult with a rebel like mission

But it so often lands on deaf and dumb

it is an atom surrounded by negatively charged electrons

Loving the wrong people has started to mess around with my neurons

I need a heart monitor and an open chest surgery,

 but what about my brain??

At least let me watch and rediscover as I am made whole again for the fourth time

Indescribable in this line,

Spirit of discernment,

please take over my mind

My love is a battlefield with no weaponry, I see only that which I WANT to see

For I am brave enough to be weary and willing in the same instance

For I am strong enough to go fishing without a pole and catch sharks with my bare hand

I think the water just bit me !!!

My love is a malignant twist of my back

An unsafe stable place to be

A menacing desire to be reciprocated, my love could only be duplicated if I were my own twin,

My love is treacherous territory

Sinful and ugly

Wicked and vulnerable to the taste of tongue pallets,

My love needs transferring to a non-fatal place,

For I feel like dynamite

And there are no good times sometimes when my love is intertwined with mere mortals who have never experienced the safety net of unconditional

I thought in my mid-thirties all this would change

My love is a train wreck

A cable car falling off the [warped] tracks

A Rome Column descending away from the ruins

My love is a Cathedral

A steeple, a house serving people, but not everyone is meant to come enjoy the fruits at this table

My love is a risk

It is risqué

A love so sudden and essential to every new day,

My love is a not here for taking and mental raping,

my love is not

and Never been –

       -an abortion story relived every morning when the kid goes to school,

My love is not

And never been -

         -A tape dispenser in a high heel shoe

My love is not

And never been

       - a DJ scratched up record of One versus Two,

My love isn’t even near a gas station but it stays on E

Accruing interest only in the form of chase and sudden dismissal I see

My love isn’t a fence that gates me into the exquisite pain

Hurt forever love

 be loved back by no one” has never been my name

Song Cry my love

My love

Leaves me

Pained

You did me wrong forever with my love,

My love is now a glass stained with diesel gas

Compressed air, high pressures and volatile temperatures that are still lasting

Persistent

Hazardous to my wishing well

Wish you well

Wish you had NOT failed on loving me back into spinal taped conversations that ended with us serving our nightscapes in a bed spoon….

My love 

My love has been found…underneath me !!!!!!

across the fitted sheet, laying there naked and sprawled out with human legs focused on being straight up

Because maybe if they were straight up

The

Person I was in love with would be straight up

But he could only remain straight up from the waist down.

Straight up

So if I found myself sipping his cum out that same old measuring cup he used to quote me with and promise to never use

My love

A kiss on my forehead when I cry.

Not meant to be abused

Or the allowance of it with no change. 

My love…..is dangerously different and secure in its insane

My love is too damned brave….!!!!!

An adult with an inner rebel full of no shame

- a daredevil who thinks its abilities can rewrite the truth

My love is a car crash

Shared dirty cash and filler flowers

A femme fatale of grown woman optimism

A continuously added to Dear JY Letter

and when the jaws of life finish pulling me out this time

I pray that my love will have finally accepted

That it is time

To do better.

A Chilling Prospect

I was gonna talk about interracial possibilities and dating and how the evolution of me has lead me to being open to date other races, which at one point in life, I was 100 percent AGAINST (for ME).

Instead,

I’m doing what I do in this blog.

* turns on music * Soundtrack: Irreplaceable.

I thought I made it. If you’ve been an avid reader of the blog ( Hi Ambur !!) , then you know the ins and outs and basics of the person I knew in 2013, who I carried the weight of (dead weight that is) all of 2014. So I will attempt to not be redundant in what I am about to say, but this is what is coming to me right now.  I thought I made it.

I thought if I let THIS go, I give up this person, that’s it. There is no one else. All the prize is right here in front of me,  so how could we NOT be fit for each other? How could there possibly be someone else I’m supposed to be with, when right here in front of me is what I deem a KING? Didn’t he think the same about me? Or nah?

The answer: NAHPEBITCH.! Lololol.

Looking back on 2014, I see the woman who was grieving the loss of something that she never really HAD and I realize all he was, was dick and bubblegum.  Something to chew on while time passed slowly. When Queen passed, I considered running to him and asking him to help me. I STRONGLY considered calling him and asking him to come hold me, even if just for that night, because I wasn’t able to be saddened by the bombing of us and the loss of my friend. It was too powerful and well past overwhelming. It was detrimental. I never made that call.

But I wanted to. I considered it. I told no one how bad I wanted him over there with me helping me get beyond what I was experiencing. So I did them both….together. I grieved him – and I grieved my sisterfriend. This I have all said before.  Today, as I tickle the fancy of hindsight, its crystal clear that I thought he was irreplaceable. Not because I loved him but because ‘wow I finally got someone about something…what are the odds I can get it again????’

Yeah.

It’s not that my self esteem was low. That is NOT always the case, with everything.  I just was determined that it was him. I claimed him before I claimed me. The hugs, the dopamine, the kisses, the way we stared – all of this combined and made me think it was IMPOSSIBLE to receive THIS TYPE of energy from another man when I had spent so many years trying to get this feeling only to be bombarded with lower cut versions of it fresh from the great value aisle of love. …only, if I were being honest with myself that entire time instead of avoiding myself and my consciousness, I would have admitted that not only was I bathing in the ape-dust of another lower cut version of love, but I was pussy deep in the great value aisle.

Ouch.

So when it was over,

Releasing those energies,

Releasing the resentment, the anger, the how could you’s…….was tough. It was stalled. It would pick up and go and then it would run out of steam quickly and before I knew it a meme was sounding exactly like my life …

I spent an hour one day going through IG at all the pics he had been tagged on. I was never a factor in his life. He was over me before he met me. I will NEVER know why or understand why he allowed himself to toy with me the way he did. But this is 2015.

He didn’t come with me.

The lessons did. The blog continues, partly because if you are a frequent visitor, then you know this blog is not all about that lesser grade of an individual. Yeah, I said that with healing on my hands. I am not 100%, never claimed to be but I do support that I am at least 90. It’s like crossing into the new year did something to me…..

Reading and trolling my timehop and seeing what I was saying this time last year has been funny and hard to relive because I am saying completely different things this year and it took so much to get there….. one of them was hilariously hurtful: “I feel like I’m paying MORE for a LESSER grade”

…..yikes.

it took so many slips and fumbles and dropped passes and broken crown tips before I could tip toe my ass out the door and be OK with being OK without this NiGGA that did not WANT me.   But that morning of 2015, when I woke up,

Remembering being prepared to leave the house I had spent the last nearly 7 years  in….and remembering what new years day did to me for 2014. Losing my gifted Love Stone at his house. Breaking down about it at my house and then within 10 mins of drying my eyes, I turn on my computer and BOOM. The bottom falls out.

I’ll never forget that. I snapped and told him I was sending best wishes. …he basically said ‘ok’. LMAO.  THAT killed me.

And I spent from 1/2/14 until 12/31/15 shaking it off me. It kept growing back like a herpes. That MF was a herpes sore on my heart…..he was an open sore that was prone to reinfection ……I couldn’t do anything but live THROUGH the itches ….

So when I woke up on 1/1/15, with 22 days left to be 35, I felt like he wasn’t there. But not just that: this time, I felt like the WOUND wasn’t there. I didn’t feel that heartburn that I woke up with all the time and it didn’t just disappear on New Years Day….nah, it had BEEN disappearing but I had gotten so used to HATING him and wanting him eradicated (I did….i wanted him gone from earth…not dead so to speak but I just didn’t want to share Earth or at least America with him), that I had ignored the healing that was happening underneath the hurt that was barely as thick as a single thread.

I had been healing. I started healing from the day of ONLY THE BRAVE forward. IT was still too raw to have been fully healed on 2/7/14, but that was when I started.  Yet, I hung on to the disappointment and the bruises. I felt like an idiot for much of 2014. I did NOT want to carry it into another year. It literally was an entire YEAR.  But part of that was because I wouldn’t sit the bags down. I carried them.

Even when I found a space to sit them and leave them, I carried them. I would open and unload them, tossing pictures in the fire, getting rid of reminders and deleting stuff from my fb page, but as I would close the luggage, just like when you are spring cleaning, I added a couple of things back to it, wrapped my hands around it and would start walking again. I would say, hmm, I’m  not ready to not be mad about them filler flowers I bought another woman. ….i wanna be mad a lil bit longer. And I was. And I did that with A LOT of stuff……What was supposed to be me ‘picking up my mat and walking’ was me picking up my baggage and mourning.

But  not on 1/1/15.

I woke up that day and couldn’t find the luggage. God must have stolen it during my slumber party of one.

Soundtrack changed: Fool of Me.  My playlist for this blog is the 40ThousandFeetInTheAir #PhuckOff playlist I have on Spotify, that I made shortly after the ship sank.

 

I made a fool of myself.

He made a fool of me in 2013. I made a fool of me in 2014. “does she want you with the pain I do? I smell you in my dreams”

I quoted that line so many times in 2014…..

And today I listen to it, with my earphones in mind you, and feel NOTHING.  Like NOTHING. Like I finally fucking feel like OMG, I’ve moved on….mentally and physically. My heart has moved on and repaired itself while I wasn’t watching.

My brain has made the ultimate connection of my internal beautiful……I know who I am – nah, I REMEMBERED who I was when I allowed myself to flirt my way into his dickspace.  One day, late last quarter, I was walking around the house and I saw where I lived, how I lived and what all was mine…..i don’t have a mansion or a benz, I stay in the hood and I’m messy a lot…..but I stay by myself and have since I was 19, my house is the shit. THEEND.  Even my mom loves it and wants to buy it from under my landlord. Ma’am. O.o

Lolz.

But more than that, I am so accomplished in life….and I don’t mean as an artist or writer, I mean as a woman. I am a little bit of everything mixed up in this 5’5 frame of awesome. I have been a stripper and lived to tell stories and work corporate again. I had a 401K to borrow from and did it to save myself last year when I started drowning in poor decisions…..imagine if that was 2013…. What if I gave that dickassnigga some of my 401K ? Shrewwwww….i probably WOULD  have set his house on fire or at least handled some of the threats I issued online to rearrange his life, his face and his girl’s future. -_-  #IWentCrazy….shrugs. #DickWillMakeYouSlapSOmebodyInTheFae

** Yellow diamonds in the light…………..”

I found love in a hopeless place with a person who would teach me more about loving me in 9 months than I had learned and written over the last ten years. He showed me some shit. ….but you know that much by now ……and when the time FINALLY came that I woke up and realized I was NOT sleeping, standing, performing or living in THE RUINS anymore, was the day I left the hopeless place and started jumping through valleys and hills with my high heels on and a blunt.  Damn, 1/1/15 was the best feeling I woke up with since I first fell for him…not because of him, but because of me…..i felt that weight GONE….i mean that.

I mean I feel like I wear a size 8 now (welp, tried  that at the sto’, didn’t work. Still a 12)…..i woke up and believed again, that companionship is possible, For ME ! !!!! 

* Perfectly Lonely starts playing by John Mayer *

I made my vision board and took note from one of Carrie Bradshaw’s besties: She got so tired of playing and being bullshitted but one day she just claimed her mile marker.  That episode: I’M GETTING MARRIED THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Those were her words. And she did.  Of course this is fiction, and I’m black and have never really been Carrie B, but –

- ….i claimed it. Not that I’m getting married.

I claimed my rights to BE LOVED again. Correctly next time. No rush, no fuss, I just know, as I told my bro Earl last night, that I am too fucking awesome for someone not to want me. They will….in due time, I will be side by side with my King.  In the mean time, I’m perfectly lonely, cause I don’t belong to anyone and nobody belongs to me…..as J.Mayer stated.

And guess what,

The next person will be greater, better and he will not be such a fearful yittle coward with his dick hairs tucked between his lips that he can’t speak truth. OUCH.  Wait –

LOLOLOLOL  *Shrug *  I SAID 90% !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

I don’t want another #MuseWeasel

I don’t want to hear his name spoken over me as I work and not be able to tell the ppl that’s my boo…..i don’t want to find out that he doesn’t love, care about or even respect me from his girlfriend’s page….i don’t want to troll…I want to trust. I will again.

I believe again.

And in believing, I have freed myself from the empty tank of dgas that is sure to shock your system when your engine notes say UNLEADED ONLY.

Yes Love,

Replacing you is something I thought I couldn’t do because who am I but a woman with words and two dogs? Who am I but damaged goods? Where am I but in a constant dream state that has NY written all over it???? I thought it to be impossible that someone would SEE me…..so I was intent on uncovering his skittle-colored glasses. …..

But guess what,

Its not that deep anymore……it doesn’t matter anymore. Their love is something worthy of respect….even tho  I stand by the fact that he used me as crash test dummy, I forgive it and I respect it when two ppl who are DESTINED, find their destiny.

As for me,

….. * changes soundtrack backwards………….Irreplaceable comes on*

“If I bought it, nigga, please don’t touch”

I bought him….he was defective. I thought he was irreplaceable. He thought I was a just a fuck. He must not know about me, but he does now. And the best part is replacing HIM is SO easy….much easier than I thought it to be in 2014. Cheers#toTheLeftHandLeftHand.

May my future Tunnel Vision be crystal clear. #Spirit OF #Discernment

* turns on Tunnel Vision for the FIRST TIME SINCE THEN.  Yup, I’ve taken ALL my music back too ;) *  Today's pic:

Healing is so fucking BAWESY. And it IS a chilling prospect....isn't it. :) 

NEW BLOG COMING - "Replacing You Is So Easy "

BLOG TO BE POSTED NO LATER THAN FIVE PM TODAY !!!!!!!

By Way of Another Woman: The New Side Chick

http://misstnking.com/2014/12/29/the-new-side-chick-i-was-her/


http://misstnking.com/2014/12/29/the-new-side-chick-i-was-her/


* SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH BLOGGER * o.O   Good grief, sometimes blogging can be frustrating. I am not sure what the problem is, but if you hover above the VISIBLE link, there is a direct connecting link that you don't have to copy/paste