...............2

Blogtrack: STAY, Rihanna

Dear Devon,

* sigh *

So,
I closed my eyes a few nights ago and there you were.  And then again, a couple of nights later, you reappeared in the same place: My Dreams.

The second dream is not as vivid as the first one.  The first one tho....VERY vivid. I saw your face skip a heartbeat when I told you I still loved you and always would. Your sentiments echoed mine and it was as if you had spent the last hand full of years waiting to hear me say that.

I remember how hard you fought with me to maintain a place in my life. I remember the last time we spoke: Right after I had cut off all my hair and you asked me to send you a picture. Somehow, this turned into something way off subject. You hung up on me. And I decided to never speak to you again, not knowing at the time, that for all the life that remained after that moment, I would still think and dream of you. It's unfair. We didn't stand a chance with each other by the time that phone call had happened. The best we could offer is what we were trying to salvage: Friendship. We tried hard, I will give it to both of us.

We tried with all we had to try with.

"Funny you're the broken one, but I'm the only one who needed saving
cause when you never see the light, it's hard to know which one of us is caving" 

~Rihanna. 

Sounds like words that were meant for us right ? Lol.
So where do I begin? What have I blogged to say in letter form to you? You will never see this....that much I know, but I guess I"m hoping to free myself from the chains and confines of the love that once upon a time, we shared.  We just didn't know how to share it appropriately.
Sex, lies, drugs, .......we tried every wrong way to share what we felt for each other. But to no avail. Our results always equaled nothing.

I came to this blog for a reason. I don't discuss you much. I have only spoken of you once in this blog and maybe there are a few hints and clues scattered elsewhere, but as far as a dedicated blog, I only did the first one.

But nonetheless, you enter my dreams like you belong there. You come to me in my dreams, spilling love and need for me all over the place. I repeat the same back to you and we mosey off into the sunset. But that's dream bullshit. Reality is another fiddle to be tuned before played.

Our reality was shaped many years before we stopped playing clay master in the pottery barn of our shacked up love.  We broke each other and I guess I broke you up. I guess I helped you, like I do so well, grow better and wiser and treat the woman you would ultimately marry with undying love and respect. Ahhhh at the expense of my reproductive system ? Or nah?